Fashion Police Bulletin #5

Adopting our newly positive approach, the Fashion Police commend these trends, spotted mainly in Southampton.

Red corduroy jeans! Pink corduroy jeans! Even (gasp) corduroy jeans with a slight flare! This takes the most senior current member of the Fashion Police back to his youth, specifically to Viletti’s, in Brighton, where there was, in the 1970s, a rainbow- no, a kaleidoscope of colourful jeans. Well done, those persons adopting this colourful legwear, for fighting back against the sea of blue denim. Which leads us neatly on to:

Colour We are delighted to report a brightening of our streets. With pleasure we note that John Lewis appear to share our opinion, as this cover from their Edition magazine (which apparently has “shopping excellence” as its theme) demonstrates. Next to it we show an excellent example of bright colour spotted in H&M.

Hats It has been rare, until 2018, that the Fashion Police have made recommendations. But we have made a consistent exception for hats. Hats are a stylish and practical part of any fashion conscious person’s wardrobe. And- we are sure we have said this before- pay attention, bald gentlemen. Sorry, bald persons of any gender identity. Why are you not wearing a hat in cold weather? It will keep your head warm. Why are you not wearing a hat in the sun? It will stop you getting painful sunburn and probable skin cancer. On this note….

Berets You will remember we commended a grey beret in our last blog. We have since seen other fetching berets, and to our pleasure, the Sunday Times identified them as being “in”. Hands up who remembers the beret being worn by French workers, in their bleu de travail (indigo died cotton working clothes), clutching a baguette and possibly smoking a Gauloise. Nobody? Only our most senior member, then.

Swirly floral dresses Spotted in H&M. A stylish high street fashion, especially as here worn over jeans.

Fashion Police Bulletin #5.1

Skechers D’lites Uncharacteristically we actually name a product, chiefly because they are here being worn with style and panache by a very junior member of the Fashion Police. They are, we are given to understand, very comfortable.

Fashion Police Bulletin #5.5

However, enough of this feelgood atmosphere. We cannot end a bulletin without some warnings.

Suits which are too tight Come on, gentlemen! For it is mostly those who would self-identify as male who are guilty of this fixed-penalty offence. Jackets and waistcoats which are too tight make you look ridiculous. Trousers whose legs are too tight never look good, particularly with a suit. We saw a pair this week which could only be described as drainpipes.  As for trousers whose waistband is too tight…..

Mixed Patterns A younger member of the Fashion Police reports a worrying trend for inappropriate mixing of patterns. Be warned.

(The Fashion Police are at pains to point out that they receive no sponsorship in goods or otherwise from any retailer, wholesaler or manufacturer.)

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Election Note 1

Another election looms in the U.K. While I don’t intend this blog to promote any particular political view, I will be voting and I would urge anybody eligible in the U.K. to vote. It DOES make a difference; you CAN make your views known and take action in many other ways, but you have no right to moan if you haven’t voted. (More on this at a later date. If I get round to more election notes.)

Election notes 1One strange phenomenon of which I was first aware during the last election and which has appeared again this time is the staged meet-the-public photo-opportunity. All the party leaders and other prominent characters have been in these. They appear to be speaking to a group of the public; of course, this group is a group of their party members and supporters, all carrying supportive placards and cheering on their leader. In one recent such occasion you could spot the constituency candidate smiling awkwardly behind the main man. (There’s a clue.)

I was musing on this today when a news item appeared on the TV which struck me forcefully with its similarities to the U.K. situation. It was a short clip of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un, beaming as he walked along being applauded by a group of his generals.

Now I’m not for a moment suggesting that our political parties and their leaders are in any way like Kim Jong Un and the North Koreans. However, such staged and artificial situations are not worthy of our democracy.

In case you are wondering, I have not yet finalised the Oblique election manifesto. Chocolate may well feature. I am consulting my supporters. Certainly baseball caps worn back-to-front will be banned. The Fashion Police may be given increased powers of enforcement.