Let’s Dance (Virtually)

Just a self-indulgent one. This is a collection of dances which, as far as I know, do not exist.

The Standing Still


From a great single by The Table. Has anybody else heard of them? This is all I know of theirs. I’m resisting the temptation to look them up on the Internet.

The disco is full of sweating bodies/ My bedroom is full of dead bodies/ Doing the Standing Still

The Skull….. etc.


From a poem by Adrian Mitchell. (See also I Have It By Heart .)

You can do the Skull/ Or the Diplomat/ But I do a dance called/ The Sorry ‘Bout That

Do the Mighty Whitey/ Or the Landlord Rat/ But I’ll keep grooving to/ The Sorry ‘Bout That

The Walk of Life

From the eponymous song by Dire Straits. It probably has some deep meaning of which I am blissfully ignorant.

The Strand

The song ‘Do the Strand’ by Roxy Music is a joyous flight of fantasy.

There’s a new sensation/ A fabulous creation/ A danceable solution/ To teenage revolution

The Funky Gibbon

This was a comedy single written by Bill Oddie  for The Goodies. I think they probably did perform this dance in reality on TV, but I have included it here simply because I wanted to show off the fact that the Soft Machine dedicated a song called ‘Stanley Stamps Gibbon Album’ to Bill Oddie.

The One-Inch Rock/ The Woodland Bop/ The Rip-Off Bop

Marc Bolan and Tyrannosaurus Rex/ T. Rex are a rich source of fantasy dances. Their music before stardom has always struck me as child-like and innocent….. it drives some people crazy with irritation.

The Resurrection Shuffle

The song by Ashton, Gardener and Dyke even has some actions:

Put your hand on your hip/ Now you let your backbone slip

Sounds painful.

The Stroll

Presently we’ll have a/ Pint or two together/ Everybody do the Stroll

From ‘The Fog on the Tyne’ by Lindisfarne. Apologies if I got the lyrics of this one wrong. It’ll be alright- we’ll have a drink on a Friday night.

A footnote; Why , in using dance names, is the definite article never capitalised? “Weary of the Waltz?” Answers please. Try to avoid emphasising my ignorance.


One thought on “Let’s Dance (Virtually)

  1. Nietoperzyco, jeszcze slowo! Nie jestem babcia i predko nie bede! O tej kokieteri to tylko tak, bo teksty masz mlode i myslace. A i ja swoje lata mam. Znam osoby po 20 z mysleniem zgrzybialych staykszeu.Brlam przed chwila na spacerze z psem. Czy u was tez tak ksiezyc swieci?! Bede miala noc z glowy bo swieci mi w okno, lobuz!


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