Just a self-indulgent one. This is a collection of dances which, as far as I know, do not exist.
The Standing Still
From a great single by The Table. Has anybody else heard of them? This is all I know of theirs. I’m resisting the temptation to look them up on the Internet.
The disco is full of sweating bodies/ My bedroom is full of dead bodies/ Doing the Standing Still
The Skull….. etc.
From a poem by Adrian Mitchell. (See also I Have It By Heart .)
You can do the Skull/ Or the Diplomat/ But I do a dance called/ The Sorry ‘Bout That
Do the Mighty Whitey/ Or the Landlord Rat/ But I’ll keep grooving to/ The Sorry ‘Bout That
The Walk of Life
From the eponymous song by Dire Straits. It probably has some deep meaning of which I am blissfully ignorant.
The song ‘Do the Strand’ by Roxy Music is a joyous flight of fantasy.
There’s a new sensation/ A fabulous creation/ A danceable solution/ To teenage revolution
The Funky Gibbon
This was a comedy single written by Bill Oddie for The Goodies. I think they probably did perform this dance in reality on TV, but I have included it here simply because I wanted to show off the fact that the Soft Machine dedicated a song called ‘Stanley Stamps Gibbon Album’ to Bill Oddie.
The One-Inch Rock/ The Woodland Bop/ The Rip-Off Bop
Marc Bolan and Tyrannosaurus Rex/ T. Rex are a rich source of fantasy dances. Their music before stardom has always struck me as child-like and innocent….. it drives some people crazy with irritation.
The Resurrection Shuffle
The song by Ashton, Gardener and Dyke even has some actions:
Put your hand on your hip/ Now you let your backbone slip
Presently we’ll have a/ Pint or two together/ Everybody do the Stroll
From ‘The Fog on the Tyne’ by Lindisfarne. Apologies if I got the lyrics of this one wrong. It’ll be alright- we’ll have a drink on a Friday night.
A footnote; Why , in using dance names, is the definite article never capitalised? “Weary of the Waltz?” Answers please. Try to avoid emphasising my ignorance.